Okay, so today I had a wonderful, odd moment that I think I could only have. You see I went to make this amazing new recipe from Better Homes and Gardens (yes, I am that old lady who gets that magazine) and I ran into a bit of a predicament. You see I don't like oranges, well really I shouldn't discriminate, I don't like citrus. And it's not for a lack of trying. Over the years I have tried my fair share of orange wedges, and I don't get why everyone finds these fruits to be SO AMAZING. I find them squishy, slimy, and nasty. They manage to always leave residue between my teeth, and then later I get heartburn.
So you might then be asking yourself, "Paige, if you hate this fruit so much, why are you cooking with it?" Great question! You see, I am always willing to set aside my hatred and try new recipes. Besides, the orange would be cut up and mixed in with other ingredients, negating the texture and acidic issues. As I went to add it into the recipe, I came to a very funny stop. I don't know how to peel an orange. I mean why know how to peel something, I will NEVER eat. This logic had always held solid until today. I had to actually call Mark into the kitchen to ask what to do. I know this seems silly, but my fingers weren't getting under the peel (I almost called it the skin) and I was at a loss.
By the time Mark got into the kitchen (approximately 5 seconds later) I had already cut it in half and was trying to take the peel off that way. (His pace was much to slow for me.) He then explained to me that you just have to dig in, and you don't cut into it because then all the juice comes out. This had not even occured to me. The orange did eventually make it to the food processor, and dinner was a success! I guess it's true, we do learn something new each day.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I Just Want a Human!!
Right now, as I sit here typing, I am on the phone, with "customer service" for Microsoft. I just don't understand why we have to go automated? I am sure that the agents don't understand why, when they talk to customers they are so angry. I can tell you exactly, because when I have a problem I just want to talk to someone!! I get it, you need to figure out what I need the help with, so you put me through a rolladex of different options so you can better get me through the process and to the person who can help me, but when I have to go through eight different menus pressing buttons or talking to a machine, it gets old really fast.
It doesn't help that while trying to talk to the automated male, or typically female voice that can't understand me I end up getting hung up on. I don't want to talk to the machine and yell, with exacting clarity what I want to talk to them about. I want a human, even if I am transferred 15 times wrong, I would rather speak to a human being, and preferrably one who's native language is mine or that doesn't mumble into the phone. I just need to understand the person and have confidence that they understand me. The worst is trying to call a government agency. You might as well fall down an abyss. There is more chance of you actually hitting the bottom then getting to an actual human being, who not only will help you, but has a positive attitude while doing so.
I know that this rant is nothing new, but honestly, with a recession, let's get over ourselves and hire some of these unemployed to answer phones and help direct call traffic. I get that this is totally simplifying things and very unfeasible, but while I finish this, I have been hung up on by the computer for the fourth time, so hey, a girl can dream can't she?
It doesn't help that while trying to talk to the automated male, or typically female voice that can't understand me I end up getting hung up on. I don't want to talk to the machine and yell, with exacting clarity what I want to talk to them about. I want a human, even if I am transferred 15 times wrong, I would rather speak to a human being, and preferrably one who's native language is mine or that doesn't mumble into the phone. I just need to understand the person and have confidence that they understand me. The worst is trying to call a government agency. You might as well fall down an abyss. There is more chance of you actually hitting the bottom then getting to an actual human being, who not only will help you, but has a positive attitude while doing so.
I know that this rant is nothing new, but honestly, with a recession, let's get over ourselves and hire some of these unemployed to answer phones and help direct call traffic. I get that this is totally simplifying things and very unfeasible, but while I finish this, I have been hung up on by the computer for the fourth time, so hey, a girl can dream can't she?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Dodging Landmines
Neighbors, don't we just love them. They always make life so easy right? Well right now, Jesus' words of loving your neighbors has been something I have to chant to myself. I just don't understand why we can't be curteous anymore? I can get over my upstairs neighbors holding gymnastics classes that sound like they are going to summersult right through the ceiling. I can deal with the weird attitudes about parking spaces. I mean you take another person's "spot" because your "spot" was taken, you totally deserve to have them park right on your bumper so pulling out the next day will be next to impossible. Should have known better.
However, there is one offense I can't stand. If you have a dog, pick up after it when it craps on my lawn! I don't want to walk out to my car in the morning and step in your dog's poop. If I am headed to work, I usually don't have the time to go change my shoes because I stepped in a wretchedly horrible pile of poo. When I get a dog I will clean up after it, but it's your dog, it's not my responsibility to clean up after it.
Maybe you think I am being a bit over the top, but I am not talking about one pile, as I was bringing in my groceries the other day, I realized there were at least 6 different mounds in my yard. I felt like I was training for special opps to avoid landmines as I was darting and weaving around my lawn. It's occurring to me that the sign I saw posted in another neighborhood on someone's lawn, about cleaning up after your pet if it happens to choose my lawn, is completely neccesary.
However, there is one offense I can't stand. If you have a dog, pick up after it when it craps on my lawn! I don't want to walk out to my car in the morning and step in your dog's poop. If I am headed to work, I usually don't have the time to go change my shoes because I stepped in a wretchedly horrible pile of poo. When I get a dog I will clean up after it, but it's your dog, it's not my responsibility to clean up after it.
Maybe you think I am being a bit over the top, but I am not talking about one pile, as I was bringing in my groceries the other day, I realized there were at least 6 different mounds in my yard. I felt like I was training for special opps to avoid landmines as I was darting and weaving around my lawn. It's occurring to me that the sign I saw posted in another neighborhood on someone's lawn, about cleaning up after your pet if it happens to choose my lawn, is completely neccesary.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Surviving an Ice Storm
Wow, so Missouri weather has hit us two little Californians hard this year. I know many of the people we now know from places like Michigan or Ohio might think we're soft, and they'd be right, but we're slowly getting the hang of this crazy weather.
So last week, as some of you may have heard, Armageddon was proclaimed for the Mid-West and a huge chunk of the country in the form of an ice storm and then blizzard like conditions. I found myself wondering, what does an ice storm really look like? I mean obviously there is ice, but does it rain and then freeze and that creates an ice storm. To be honest, a part of me had this mental image of sheets of ice that looked like glass in a window falling from the sky. Now that would be a storm!
In actuality, for those who don't know like me, it's basically what we called sleet in Idaho. It's frozen rain. (Some of you may be saying Duh right now, but hey we all learn a little differently.) Now here in St Louis, the issue is that it is still wet enough to bind and then freeze. So the weather was a mess last Tuesday. Expecting to die on Wednesday, I awoke to the pleasant surprise of just snow, and to be honest, it wasn't even that hard. It was a nice little flurry, nothing to get upset about.
However, my problems came on Thursday. I was so cold on Wednesday, that I decided to not go out and brush off my car. HUGE MISTAKE!! In more than one way. First, our house has a screened in porch. The porch door had not been open, so it was completely frozen shut, there was no way to actually open the door. I had to walk around the house, however, as I went out our shared back door, I saw the salt our landlord had left us and decided once I got in to my car I would salt by our front door, so that when I came back from class I could get in the house. You see we only have one key to the back door, and since Mark parks in the driveway off that door, he has the only key. If I couldn't get the front porch open, and the neighbors locked that door, well I was SOL as some say.
Second, there was frozen snow, plus a 1/4" thick casing of ice, wrapped around my entire car. I had to use my key to break the ice that surrounded my door, and then spent 10 minutes pulling, breaking more ice, and pulling. At one point I did think that I might rip off my plastic handle and then be screwed because the passenger side lock is broken and I wouldn't be able to get in my car.
Finally, I pryed my door open with all my might. I inserted my key and just prayed the engine would turn over, and it actually did. I blasted the defroster and raced to the back of the house to get the salt mentioned earlier. I put the salt out on our steps as well, because they looked pretty icy, and I really don't want to kill the mail man. After having completed the salting, I went straight to work on my car.
It was quite a process to get the snow and ice off my car. I had a method to my madness though. I started at my driver side door, and continued on the side, to the back, around the other side, then to the front. Now I had to do a thorough job on the front because I forgot to lift up my wiperblades, and they were somewhere below all the layers, frozen to my car.
I dusted snow, I hacked at ice, continuing around the car. After about a half our, I noticed some of my neighbors just staring at me as they drove by. For now, I looked like the White Witch of Narnia. Completely cloacked in snow and ice, my hair wild and frozen, with ice scrapper in hand, attacking vigorously at my windows, shouting words and phrases not commonly heard. And finally, when all hope seemed lost, I managed to find my car. I looked at my phone clock and realized that I emerged victorious after an hour and a half of intense (and cold) battle. It was now 9:15-9:20, and I thought I might still be able to make it to my class. I hoped in my toasty car, engaged the clutch, put my foot on the gas and then listened to my wheels spin.
At this point I thought I'll try reverse and see if that works any better. This time with my head turned around I got a better view of the smoke coming from my tires and the exhaust making its way towards heaven. I thought perhaps I can use our neighbors shovel to help dig myself out. I ran to the back door, but alas, the neighbor had locked it. Determined to not fight my front porch door I decided to give it one more go. I got behind the wheel and gave it the gas, and finally, after lurching and studdering (and not from the clutch) my car was finally released from its icy cage.
Of course at this point, I would never make it to class on time, so I decided to head to Barnes and Nobles and buy a book. When I returned home, the long term battle began. That is the battle with my front stairs. There are two sets, one that leads up to the house in general, and then both my neighbor and I have a set that leads into our perspective portions of the house. The stairs were, and are so icy, that I can't actually just walk up them. I mostly rock climb up them, holding the bannister for dear life as I manuever around them. We are currently out of salt, and so now I do fear for the mail man.
So last week, as some of you may have heard, Armageddon was proclaimed for the Mid-West and a huge chunk of the country in the form of an ice storm and then blizzard like conditions. I found myself wondering, what does an ice storm really look like? I mean obviously there is ice, but does it rain and then freeze and that creates an ice storm. To be honest, a part of me had this mental image of sheets of ice that looked like glass in a window falling from the sky. Now that would be a storm!
In actuality, for those who don't know like me, it's basically what we called sleet in Idaho. It's frozen rain. (Some of you may be saying Duh right now, but hey we all learn a little differently.) Now here in St Louis, the issue is that it is still wet enough to bind and then freeze. So the weather was a mess last Tuesday. Expecting to die on Wednesday, I awoke to the pleasant surprise of just snow, and to be honest, it wasn't even that hard. It was a nice little flurry, nothing to get upset about.
However, my problems came on Thursday. I was so cold on Wednesday, that I decided to not go out and brush off my car. HUGE MISTAKE!! In more than one way. First, our house has a screened in porch. The porch door had not been open, so it was completely frozen shut, there was no way to actually open the door. I had to walk around the house, however, as I went out our shared back door, I saw the salt our landlord had left us and decided once I got in to my car I would salt by our front door, so that when I came back from class I could get in the house. You see we only have one key to the back door, and since Mark parks in the driveway off that door, he has the only key. If I couldn't get the front porch open, and the neighbors locked that door, well I was SOL as some say.
Second, there was frozen snow, plus a 1/4" thick casing of ice, wrapped around my entire car. I had to use my key to break the ice that surrounded my door, and then spent 10 minutes pulling, breaking more ice, and pulling. At one point I did think that I might rip off my plastic handle and then be screwed because the passenger side lock is broken and I wouldn't be able to get in my car.
Finally, I pryed my door open with all my might. I inserted my key and just prayed the engine would turn over, and it actually did. I blasted the defroster and raced to the back of the house to get the salt mentioned earlier. I put the salt out on our steps as well, because they looked pretty icy, and I really don't want to kill the mail man. After having completed the salting, I went straight to work on my car.
It was quite a process to get the snow and ice off my car. I had a method to my madness though. I started at my driver side door, and continued on the side, to the back, around the other side, then to the front. Now I had to do a thorough job on the front because I forgot to lift up my wiperblades, and they were somewhere below all the layers, frozen to my car.
I dusted snow, I hacked at ice, continuing around the car. After about a half our, I noticed some of my neighbors just staring at me as they drove by. For now, I looked like the White Witch of Narnia. Completely cloacked in snow and ice, my hair wild and frozen, with ice scrapper in hand, attacking vigorously at my windows, shouting words and phrases not commonly heard. And finally, when all hope seemed lost, I managed to find my car. I looked at my phone clock and realized that I emerged victorious after an hour and a half of intense (and cold) battle. It was now 9:15-9:20, and I thought I might still be able to make it to my class. I hoped in my toasty car, engaged the clutch, put my foot on the gas and then listened to my wheels spin.
At this point I thought I'll try reverse and see if that works any better. This time with my head turned around I got a better view of the smoke coming from my tires and the exhaust making its way towards heaven. I thought perhaps I can use our neighbors shovel to help dig myself out. I ran to the back door, but alas, the neighbor had locked it. Determined to not fight my front porch door I decided to give it one more go. I got behind the wheel and gave it the gas, and finally, after lurching and studdering (and not from the clutch) my car was finally released from its icy cage.
Of course at this point, I would never make it to class on time, so I decided to head to Barnes and Nobles and buy a book. When I returned home, the long term battle began. That is the battle with my front stairs. There are two sets, one that leads up to the house in general, and then both my neighbor and I have a set that leads into our perspective portions of the house. The stairs were, and are so icy, that I can't actually just walk up them. I mostly rock climb up them, holding the bannister for dear life as I manuever around them. We are currently out of salt, and so now I do fear for the mail man.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
This is my time to shop...
Right now we are dealing with what could quite possible the worst storm the country has seen in decades! Well I got the first news of its coming on Sunday, when a sweet elderly couple we just met warned us there was a blizzard warning and lots of ice expected. It concerned me a tad, but I guess I just let it pass from my mind.
So Monday I woke up and went about my usual routine, had my coffee and fruit smoothie, watched a little tv, and then headed to the store by 9 o'clock. So to save money these days, I shop at both Wal-Mart for all dry, boxed, canned, basically anything I don't worry about quality, and then I head to Schnuck's for all things I want fresh and as good as I can possibly get it. When I pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot, it was pretty busy. My usual front parking was taken and I had to park midway. Usually I go at 9am on Monday because it is a sleepy time. I can meander the aisles and shop with ease, and the store is practically mine. It still hadn't occured to me what was going on. I mean Wal-Mart wasn't crazy busy, but still this was more people than normal.
I got the supplies I needed and headed to self check out. Now here we'll tangent off for a second so I can vent. I am ringing myself up, something I do every Monday, and the weigher isn't picking up one of my items. I took maybe five seconds and finally got the item to register. Well at this point the help lady is sitting at her station and says with as much attitude as possible, "Maam, you need to push it back." I turned and politely said, "I got it, it's working now." Then with even more attitude (didn't know that it was possible), "She said maam if you just push it back it can weigh correctly." I turned to her and did something I seldom do, I gave her some attitude right back. I said, "Umm actually it's working now and I am just fine thank you." Then I gave her my look of got it? Oh she got it, she suddenly went quiet and left me alone. If she isn't going to come over and actually see if she can help me, then she can sit there quietly. I don't need her rudeness when I am just trying to check out.
Okay, so back on point. So after loading my car I headed to Schnuck's. Now when I pulled into Schnuck's parking lot, it was a mad house. Everyone and their brother was shopping. And of course, I got stuck behind the slowest driver while trying to find a space. At one point, she had four other vehicles behind her. It took sometime to get out from behind middle aged woman driving like a granny, but I did eventually park.
I get into the store and all of my "portion control" carts are taken. These are smaller and easier to manuever. People are just swarming everywhere. This is generally my time to relax and carefully choose products that best go with the week's meals. Not this time. Everyone was acting like I was so rude. They would block an aisle and then get upset with me when I was trying to get around them. It was complete chaos. Then I get to the check out and there are 8 lines plus the self checkout, and all of them are so busy the lines are going up the aisles. I waited for probably 45 minutes, with people still glaring when they didn't like that my cart was blocking the fancy feast. Where was I supposed to go? And then it dawned on me, all these people were stocking up for the big storm. At this point I was a little peeved with all of them being peeved with me. This is my time to shop. I am not in their way, they are in my way! I do this every Monday and 99% of them are not there shopping with me. Again, it's why I chose that time. It's peaceful and I don't have to fight my way through the aisles like a ravage beast on the hunt.
Finally, after enough time for my very green bananas to start ripening ( I am serious about this one, I think they turned a bit more yellow while I stood in line) I got out of the store, and managed to make my way home. Just another St Louis, weather related adventure.
So Monday I woke up and went about my usual routine, had my coffee and fruit smoothie, watched a little tv, and then headed to the store by 9 o'clock. So to save money these days, I shop at both Wal-Mart for all dry, boxed, canned, basically anything I don't worry about quality, and then I head to Schnuck's for all things I want fresh and as good as I can possibly get it. When I pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot, it was pretty busy. My usual front parking was taken and I had to park midway. Usually I go at 9am on Monday because it is a sleepy time. I can meander the aisles and shop with ease, and the store is practically mine. It still hadn't occured to me what was going on. I mean Wal-Mart wasn't crazy busy, but still this was more people than normal.
I got the supplies I needed and headed to self check out. Now here we'll tangent off for a second so I can vent. I am ringing myself up, something I do every Monday, and the weigher isn't picking up one of my items. I took maybe five seconds and finally got the item to register. Well at this point the help lady is sitting at her station and says with as much attitude as possible, "Maam, you need to push it back." I turned and politely said, "I got it, it's working now." Then with even more attitude (didn't know that it was possible), "She said maam if you just push it back it can weigh correctly." I turned to her and did something I seldom do, I gave her some attitude right back. I said, "Umm actually it's working now and I am just fine thank you." Then I gave her my look of got it? Oh she got it, she suddenly went quiet and left me alone. If she isn't going to come over and actually see if she can help me, then she can sit there quietly. I don't need her rudeness when I am just trying to check out.
Okay, so back on point. So after loading my car I headed to Schnuck's. Now when I pulled into Schnuck's parking lot, it was a mad house. Everyone and their brother was shopping. And of course, I got stuck behind the slowest driver while trying to find a space. At one point, she had four other vehicles behind her. It took sometime to get out from behind middle aged woman driving like a granny, but I did eventually park.
I get into the store and all of my "portion control" carts are taken. These are smaller and easier to manuever. People are just swarming everywhere. This is generally my time to relax and carefully choose products that best go with the week's meals. Not this time. Everyone was acting like I was so rude. They would block an aisle and then get upset with me when I was trying to get around them. It was complete chaos. Then I get to the check out and there are 8 lines plus the self checkout, and all of them are so busy the lines are going up the aisles. I waited for probably 45 minutes, with people still glaring when they didn't like that my cart was blocking the fancy feast. Where was I supposed to go? And then it dawned on me, all these people were stocking up for the big storm. At this point I was a little peeved with all of them being peeved with me. This is my time to shop. I am not in their way, they are in my way! I do this every Monday and 99% of them are not there shopping with me. Again, it's why I chose that time. It's peaceful and I don't have to fight my way through the aisles like a ravage beast on the hunt.
Finally, after enough time for my very green bananas to start ripening ( I am serious about this one, I think they turned a bit more yellow while I stood in line) I got out of the store, and managed to make my way home. Just another St Louis, weather related adventure.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Hollywood Dirt
The other night, Mark and I finally decided to watch one of the movies we had stored up on the DVR. We both thought it looked interesting, but afterwards were wondering what we had just watched. In honor of being disturbed, I am now compiling my list of the worst movies ever made. These are the ones that I wonder, what the Hollywood exec was smoking to spend money on it. But also, makes me think that there are a few too many roaming Hollywood needing a psych exam.
I am going to categorize these films, into stupid chick flicks and then more serious films, only because I sort of expect my chick flicks to be cheesey and campy, but once the cross a certain line, there's no going back. So let's dive in shall we.
Serious Films:
Alpha Dog: Yes ladies, I know Justin Timberlake was in this film, and I love him too, but no amount of JT was going to save this film. Also, I get that it's a real life story, but not every real life story should be saved for all posterity on film. I mean did I really need to watch Ben Foster take a crap on some guys carpet? (ruined my fond memories of him as Tucker on Flash Forward.) Did I really need to bear witness to a bunch of rich kids, who had nothing better to do with their time then sell drugs, and then let a kid die because his brother messed up? I get it, there is a lesson in this movie, but really I could have just opened my Bible and read anything Jesus said and gotten the message.
History of Violence: Now I do realize this is a controversial entry. I get it, it was a graphic novel, and it was stupendous, but maybe if I had read this novel I would have actually gotten the point of this movie. I mean did I need to see Viggo Mortenson's character violate his wife on the stairs? Not so much. I really didn't get the point. Yes, he used to kill people and decided to go for a more domesticated life, but I really didn't get anything else beyond that. Maybe I am just stupid, or perhaps and more likely, I was too distracted by him attacking his wife on the stairs to even care what was going on.
The Box: The movie that started this whole list into motion. I thought it was going to be a story about a moral dilema and the consequences. A couple is given a box by a mysterious stranger and told if they push the button they will recieve a million dollars, however, someone they don't know somewhere in the world will die. I thought this could be intriguing, but by the time unseen aliens who are testing human beings were brought into the mix, and we were having mind control brain hemmoraging that caused nose bleeds, I really was just wondering why. Why take a movie with so much potential and ruin it with aliens, and a Steven Spielberg rendition of salvation? (I don't believe he actually played any part in this movie, the guy just loves aliens.) Afterwards I felt disturbed and wondering who approved this garbage? They could at least do us all a favor and file it under sci-fi thriller.
The Weatherman: You knew Nick Cage had to make an appearance somewhere, and well, here it is. I guess I am naive because I actually thought this was going to be a movie about a weatherman, not a film about a perverted loser. Let's just say he worries a little too much about how tight his pre-pubescent daughters pants are, and not in a child molestor way, but I didn't need to here the inner thoughts of his character on this one. I understand playing darker roles make you a more serious actor, but honestly this was a terrible movie, with nothing in it to make it worthy of my time. I don't need to see a loser, who's divorced try to get some and here his inner monologue on top of it.
I Know Who Killed Me: Oh if I could take back seeing this disgraceful film. I didn't want to see it the day I walked into the theatre, but a group of friends peer pressured me into it, and since I didn't have my own car, they won. This film stars Lindsay Lohan, as a twin, one a good girl who likes to flirt with the gardner, and the other a stripper. They've been seperated at birth. Well good girl gets kidnapped by a serial killer, and it gets weirder as we move along. They mistake the stripper twin for the good girl, and it is the stripper who finally decides she needs to find her long lost twin. Sometimes we see child stars transition to adult films by taking characters that they feel show they are grown up. I honestly believe Lindsay wanted to show that she was grown up now and could do stripper and sex scenes. Well as we can see now, growing up wasn't the best choice for Lilo. What makes me hate this movie even more besides the ridiculous plot line, is that Julia Ormand signed on for this after years off to raise her family. I mean this is what you chose to use as your vehicle back into films?
The Happening: We've all seen that M. Night has been losing his touch with each movie he makes. This was I guess his call for all of us to wake up and take care of mother earth, because she is getting pissed, and if we don't the plants will release a neurotoxin that will make us all kill ourselves. I was very disturbed after watching this. I honestly felt that M. Night just wanted to come up with as many ways people could commit suicide and film it. I get the green cause, but to go this far to ingrain it in my head is a bit much. I mean coming into a town where everyone had hung themselves from the trees, or watching the implications when a man lays down in front of a running lawn mower, just disgusting. And my favorite thing is the wind being the villian. We must outrun the wind. Umm good luck with that?
The Village: Yet another M. Night film. Many might disagree with me on this one, but more or less I found it stupid, and for a scardy cat like me to find it not frightening at all says something. Plus it was more or less a poor remake of "Of Mice and Men." I mean that's what this movie adds up to. And really when we pit Steinbeck, one of the greatest word smiths against M. Night, we know who wins.
Jumper: I'm not really sure if this is a serious film, I mean it does have Hayden Christenson in it. This probably could have been an okay movie, but Hayden has a particular way of ruining almost every character he has played, except the ones who are supposed to be whiny ( Stephen Glass in Shattered Glass, and the druggie kid in Life as a House). The whole movie just took itself too seriously, and was just so so bad.
The Chick Flicks:
Honey: Let's start this one off by agreeing that yes, Jessica Alba is an attractive gal, but she cannot act. I get this is more of a teeny bopper film, but Save the Last Dance was good, as was 10 Things I Hate About You, or to go for a non Julia Stiles film, She's All That. This film just felt too contrived. I am going to believe that Jessica Alba is this crazy amazing dancer, I mean the movie didn't really showcase anything worthy of that. Plus the director of the music videoes looks like Mr. Scheuster on drugs. Then they have noted choreographer Laurie Ann Gibson as a not so great choreographer? It was just so stupid. Then we have the whole Mekhai Phifer problem. Mekhai is super hot, and a great actor, but every now and again he choses horrible films. But hey maybe he just wanted to kiss Jessica Alba, I know many men who wouldn't blame him.
Valentine's Day: I know it was in an earlier blog, but of course it had to come back. This was such a waste of space on my DVR. The characters were miscast, made no connection, but that was mostly because there were just too many of them. It just goes to show, you can shove as many A-listers as you want in a film and it doesn't make it good. Plus the Two Taylors, I mean it didn't get worse than that waste of film? Cut them out and the film might have improved and nothing would have happened to the storyline.
Crossroads: I hate to admit I saw this film, but I did. I was in high school and my best friend Marine and I decided what the heck, let's go see this little Britney Spears nightmare. Another horrible storyline. She wants sex, but then she wants to wait until it's meaningful, which will be with a stranger she meets while on a crosscountry trip to find her mother. Her one best friend is pregnant, and of course has the best voice coupled with stage fright. Meaning the Britster is going to have to come out and save the day singing, and also simultaneously ruin a Joan Jett song.
Maid in Manhatten: When this film came out I was excited to go see it with my mother and sister. About 15 minutes in I was so over the cliches I was trying to lasso either of my viewing companions with my sweatshirt. I get that it was Cinderella, but in this day and age, with all the Cinderella stories we have had, if you are going to do it, perhaps give it a new take a la Ever After. Don't give me every cliche in the book and think it will cut it. Also, I am upset that a notable and great actor like Lord Voldemort...I mean Ralph Fiennes would agree to this garbage. The man has won Oscars, and then signs up for this dribble?
From Justin to Kelly: Oh yes, I did just admit that I saw this American Idol film. Luckily it was free on HBO, I didn't waste $10. This film was horrible story, horrible acting, and cliches every which way, all laced in songs to showcase our Idols. It was horrible. It was like a horrible remake of Beach Blanket Bingo, minus the Frankie and Annette magic and Von Zipper. I felt this was honestly Seacrest's idea, I mean the guy is everywhere, and I just can't see Nigel Lythgoe coming up with this idea.
So there you are. The movies I still cannot believe were actually made, and also that I sat through them. There are of course more, but for timesake, these are the ones that made the final cut to this list. A shout out to my PIC Delyssa, who helped me remember all of the movies she and I have ever complained about.
I am going to categorize these films, into stupid chick flicks and then more serious films, only because I sort of expect my chick flicks to be cheesey and campy, but once the cross a certain line, there's no going back. So let's dive in shall we.
Serious Films:
Alpha Dog: Yes ladies, I know Justin Timberlake was in this film, and I love him too, but no amount of JT was going to save this film. Also, I get that it's a real life story, but not every real life story should be saved for all posterity on film. I mean did I really need to watch Ben Foster take a crap on some guys carpet? (ruined my fond memories of him as Tucker on Flash Forward.) Did I really need to bear witness to a bunch of rich kids, who had nothing better to do with their time then sell drugs, and then let a kid die because his brother messed up? I get it, there is a lesson in this movie, but really I could have just opened my Bible and read anything Jesus said and gotten the message.
History of Violence: Now I do realize this is a controversial entry. I get it, it was a graphic novel, and it was stupendous, but maybe if I had read this novel I would have actually gotten the point of this movie. I mean did I need to see Viggo Mortenson's character violate his wife on the stairs? Not so much. I really didn't get the point. Yes, he used to kill people and decided to go for a more domesticated life, but I really didn't get anything else beyond that. Maybe I am just stupid, or perhaps and more likely, I was too distracted by him attacking his wife on the stairs to even care what was going on.
The Box: The movie that started this whole list into motion. I thought it was going to be a story about a moral dilema and the consequences. A couple is given a box by a mysterious stranger and told if they push the button they will recieve a million dollars, however, someone they don't know somewhere in the world will die. I thought this could be intriguing, but by the time unseen aliens who are testing human beings were brought into the mix, and we were having mind control brain hemmoraging that caused nose bleeds, I really was just wondering why. Why take a movie with so much potential and ruin it with aliens, and a Steven Spielberg rendition of salvation? (I don't believe he actually played any part in this movie, the guy just loves aliens.) Afterwards I felt disturbed and wondering who approved this garbage? They could at least do us all a favor and file it under sci-fi thriller.
The Weatherman: You knew Nick Cage had to make an appearance somewhere, and well, here it is. I guess I am naive because I actually thought this was going to be a movie about a weatherman, not a film about a perverted loser. Let's just say he worries a little too much about how tight his pre-pubescent daughters pants are, and not in a child molestor way, but I didn't need to here the inner thoughts of his character on this one. I understand playing darker roles make you a more serious actor, but honestly this was a terrible movie, with nothing in it to make it worthy of my time. I don't need to see a loser, who's divorced try to get some and here his inner monologue on top of it.
I Know Who Killed Me: Oh if I could take back seeing this disgraceful film. I didn't want to see it the day I walked into the theatre, but a group of friends peer pressured me into it, and since I didn't have my own car, they won. This film stars Lindsay Lohan, as a twin, one a good girl who likes to flirt with the gardner, and the other a stripper. They've been seperated at birth. Well good girl gets kidnapped by a serial killer, and it gets weirder as we move along. They mistake the stripper twin for the good girl, and it is the stripper who finally decides she needs to find her long lost twin. Sometimes we see child stars transition to adult films by taking characters that they feel show they are grown up. I honestly believe Lindsay wanted to show that she was grown up now and could do stripper and sex scenes. Well as we can see now, growing up wasn't the best choice for Lilo. What makes me hate this movie even more besides the ridiculous plot line, is that Julia Ormand signed on for this after years off to raise her family. I mean this is what you chose to use as your vehicle back into films?
The Happening: We've all seen that M. Night has been losing his touch with each movie he makes. This was I guess his call for all of us to wake up and take care of mother earth, because she is getting pissed, and if we don't the plants will release a neurotoxin that will make us all kill ourselves. I was very disturbed after watching this. I honestly felt that M. Night just wanted to come up with as many ways people could commit suicide and film it. I get the green cause, but to go this far to ingrain it in my head is a bit much. I mean coming into a town where everyone had hung themselves from the trees, or watching the implications when a man lays down in front of a running lawn mower, just disgusting. And my favorite thing is the wind being the villian. We must outrun the wind. Umm good luck with that?
The Village: Yet another M. Night film. Many might disagree with me on this one, but more or less I found it stupid, and for a scardy cat like me to find it not frightening at all says something. Plus it was more or less a poor remake of "Of Mice and Men." I mean that's what this movie adds up to. And really when we pit Steinbeck, one of the greatest word smiths against M. Night, we know who wins.
Jumper: I'm not really sure if this is a serious film, I mean it does have Hayden Christenson in it. This probably could have been an okay movie, but Hayden has a particular way of ruining almost every character he has played, except the ones who are supposed to be whiny ( Stephen Glass in Shattered Glass, and the druggie kid in Life as a House). The whole movie just took itself too seriously, and was just so so bad.
The Chick Flicks:
Honey: Let's start this one off by agreeing that yes, Jessica Alba is an attractive gal, but she cannot act. I get this is more of a teeny bopper film, but Save the Last Dance was good, as was 10 Things I Hate About You, or to go for a non Julia Stiles film, She's All That. This film just felt too contrived. I am going to believe that Jessica Alba is this crazy amazing dancer, I mean the movie didn't really showcase anything worthy of that. Plus the director of the music videoes looks like Mr. Scheuster on drugs. Then they have noted choreographer Laurie Ann Gibson as a not so great choreographer? It was just so stupid. Then we have the whole Mekhai Phifer problem. Mekhai is super hot, and a great actor, but every now and again he choses horrible films. But hey maybe he just wanted to kiss Jessica Alba, I know many men who wouldn't blame him.
Valentine's Day: I know it was in an earlier blog, but of course it had to come back. This was such a waste of space on my DVR. The characters were miscast, made no connection, but that was mostly because there were just too many of them. It just goes to show, you can shove as many A-listers as you want in a film and it doesn't make it good. Plus the Two Taylors, I mean it didn't get worse than that waste of film? Cut them out and the film might have improved and nothing would have happened to the storyline.
Crossroads: I hate to admit I saw this film, but I did. I was in high school and my best friend Marine and I decided what the heck, let's go see this little Britney Spears nightmare. Another horrible storyline. She wants sex, but then she wants to wait until it's meaningful, which will be with a stranger she meets while on a crosscountry trip to find her mother. Her one best friend is pregnant, and of course has the best voice coupled with stage fright. Meaning the Britster is going to have to come out and save the day singing, and also simultaneously ruin a Joan Jett song.
Maid in Manhatten: When this film came out I was excited to go see it with my mother and sister. About 15 minutes in I was so over the cliches I was trying to lasso either of my viewing companions with my sweatshirt. I get that it was Cinderella, but in this day and age, with all the Cinderella stories we have had, if you are going to do it, perhaps give it a new take a la Ever After. Don't give me every cliche in the book and think it will cut it. Also, I am upset that a notable and great actor like Lord Voldemort...I mean Ralph Fiennes would agree to this garbage. The man has won Oscars, and then signs up for this dribble?
From Justin to Kelly: Oh yes, I did just admit that I saw this American Idol film. Luckily it was free on HBO, I didn't waste $10. This film was horrible story, horrible acting, and cliches every which way, all laced in songs to showcase our Idols. It was horrible. It was like a horrible remake of Beach Blanket Bingo, minus the Frankie and Annette magic and Von Zipper. I felt this was honestly Seacrest's idea, I mean the guy is everywhere, and I just can't see Nigel Lythgoe coming up with this idea.
So there you are. The movies I still cannot believe were actually made, and also that I sat through them. There are of course more, but for timesake, these are the ones that made the final cut to this list. A shout out to my PIC Delyssa, who helped me remember all of the movies she and I have ever complained about.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I'm Dreaming of A White Christmas....as long as I have a garage!
So I love snow. I've always loved snow. It's just such a fun element. As a kid I thought it was the best thing ever. And why not? You could turn it into weapons, craft it into caves and forts. It can become a mode of transportation, and also be very beneficial to your health, when used for a workout. All these reasons and more are why I love snow. I mean it makes for great Ansel Adams pictures (not that I am equating my skills to his in any way).
You can imagine my exicement when I woke up Sunday morning, looked out the window and saw a beautiful blanket of pure white. It was awesome, I was so excited I just had to wake Mark up from his dead sleep. He told me he knew, that it had started snowing last night, I continued to pester him, apparently he wasn't getting that there was snow outside.
We made our way safely to and from church that morning. We even stopped to pick up ice scrappers and de-icer. All to be prepared. We got in our sweats and had a joyous day, watching the snow come down outside.
Then Monday morning came and it was time for me to grow up. It was as I was trying to get into my vehicle that I realized that snow is great in theory. In reality it can be a HUGE pain in the butt. It's wonderful when you don't have the responsibilities of work, or need to actually get somewhere. It's awesome, basically if you have a garage.
Mark had been a sweetheart and went out and cleared all the snow and ice from my car, however, my locks and door were still frozen shut. "No matter," I thought. For we had bought de-icer. I stuck the little hose in the locks and waited a few seconds (it is after all supposed to be instant de-icer) put my key in, and nothing happened. So I tried again. Still nothing. Now I am getting concerned. I live close to work, but it's 15 degrees out with a real feel of about -2. There is no way I am going to walk and get to work on time. So I start de-icing my door as best as possible, and squirting more de-icer in the lock.
In a panic I call Mark at work, he doesn't pick up. Now I really am screwed. I leave him a frantic message. Cursing at the voicemail lady who takes way to long to give directions for something I know how to do. Finally, I decide to give it one more go. With all my might I twist the key in the lock and it finally turns. I then rip at the door to try to get it open. I sit in my freezing car, and try to get it to start. Finally after a long struggle, the engine just barely turns over. I blast my defroster, and now we are in business.
As I made my way out of the neighborhood and down the street to work, I realized, if I had a garage, I would love snow as much as I did as a kid. It would be a wonderous event everytime I saw flakes. I might still be a little nervous when I got on the roadways, but the minute I pulled back into my garage, I would be so excited. However, not having a garage has made me realize, that while I still love snow, we are not as close of friends as I once thought. Snow is my cool friend, who every now and again gets a little nasty and turns on me. I still want to be snow's friend because it's cool, but at the same time, I now very much distrust it.
You can imagine my exicement when I woke up Sunday morning, looked out the window and saw a beautiful blanket of pure white. It was awesome, I was so excited I just had to wake Mark up from his dead sleep. He told me he knew, that it had started snowing last night, I continued to pester him, apparently he wasn't getting that there was snow outside.
We made our way safely to and from church that morning. We even stopped to pick up ice scrappers and de-icer. All to be prepared. We got in our sweats and had a joyous day, watching the snow come down outside.
Then Monday morning came and it was time for me to grow up. It was as I was trying to get into my vehicle that I realized that snow is great in theory. In reality it can be a HUGE pain in the butt. It's wonderful when you don't have the responsibilities of work, or need to actually get somewhere. It's awesome, basically if you have a garage.
Mark had been a sweetheart and went out and cleared all the snow and ice from my car, however, my locks and door were still frozen shut. "No matter," I thought. For we had bought de-icer. I stuck the little hose in the locks and waited a few seconds (it is after all supposed to be instant de-icer) put my key in, and nothing happened. So I tried again. Still nothing. Now I am getting concerned. I live close to work, but it's 15 degrees out with a real feel of about -2. There is no way I am going to walk and get to work on time. So I start de-icing my door as best as possible, and squirting more de-icer in the lock.
In a panic I call Mark at work, he doesn't pick up. Now I really am screwed. I leave him a frantic message. Cursing at the voicemail lady who takes way to long to give directions for something I know how to do. Finally, I decide to give it one more go. With all my might I twist the key in the lock and it finally turns. I then rip at the door to try to get it open. I sit in my freezing car, and try to get it to start. Finally after a long struggle, the engine just barely turns over. I blast my defroster, and now we are in business.
As I made my way out of the neighborhood and down the street to work, I realized, if I had a garage, I would love snow as much as I did as a kid. It would be a wonderous event everytime I saw flakes. I might still be a little nervous when I got on the roadways, but the minute I pulled back into my garage, I would be so excited. However, not having a garage has made me realize, that while I still love snow, we are not as close of friends as I once thought. Snow is my cool friend, who every now and again gets a little nasty and turns on me. I still want to be snow's friend because it's cool, but at the same time, I now very much distrust it.
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